The Secret to a Happy Marriage 💕


When to Allow Release 🔓

This is a medium-length chapter.

The physical break-in period (required)

Initially, you need to find a comfortable, safe, and hygienic chastity device which your husband can wear for extended periods. Maybe your husband has already bought a device before he approached you, maybe you still need to buy one together. In any case, you should make sure the device is fit for long-term wear and that the size is correct. First, start a routine every day for six hours. Not once in a while, not one day a week, but every single day, even if he does not feel like it. There are two goals here. The first is to keep the presence of the chastity device from arousing him. The other is to find the right size, which will be much smaller than the one you initially think is too short. Next, let him go to work with it, every day for a week, with no breaks and excuses. Again, the goal is to constantly reduce awareness of the chastity device. During this time, you may well need to use a smaller tube or ring. Then, let him sleep in it. You may find that he needs a few nights to get used due to nocturnal erections. Once this hurdle is taken, he can go a whole week without unlocking. If the cage is not giving him any trouble, add another week or two. If everything’s still good, the physical break-in period is finished and you can get started with the real lock-up.

The mental break-in period (recommended)

artwork by MARE (https://www.pixiv.net/en/users/37955631)

I used to call this the “initial” lock-up period, but the term confused many, as you can’t do this right at beginning of your chastity journey but rather after he has found a well-fitting device that he can confidently wear for long periods without discomfort or pain.

After you go through the physical break-in period of getting a device that fits and can be worn for longer periods, the general consensus is to then start your journey with a long lock-up period during which the chastity cage must never come off, not even for sex. (But maybe for – supervised? – cleaning.)

It is paramount to your success as it allows his mind to adjust to the lack of masturbation and ejaculation. Rather than pleasuring himself whenever he wants, he will focus his sexual energy on you. Most men will hold out for short periods of denial and bounce back to their old ways of masturbation, whereas a long lock-up period tells him that you are committed to your relationship and intend to put a permanent end to his days of jerking off behind your back. It might seem a bit harsh, but I believe the mental break-in period should be at least three months of continuous wear without relief.

You will need to be strong and keep up your end of the bargain. It will change the dynamic of your relationship in a way that sets you and him on the path to long-term happiness. You could even, unbeknownst to him, keep the key somewhere else, such as your place of work or a friend’s house, so that you are not tempted to unlock him. Enforcing such a long lock-up period at the beginning of your chastity journey will allow him to understand your desire, commitment, and determination; it will also give you the chance to develop the strength to say “no”. You cannot be too strict as a new keyholder if you want to get yourself past feeling that it is your duty to get him off and if you want to get him focused on his new role of sexually pleasing you. If you haven’t achieved these goals, then lengthen the time. I ended up giving my husband a one-month extension, and in retrospect I am glad that I did, because when I finally let him out it was on my terms.

You too also need enough time to explore how to make his chastity work best for you. At the beginning I really missed having intercourse with my husband, so I started to experiment and think about how to teach him to pleasure me without needing to unlock him or worrying about him accidentally ejaculating. He can use his mouth, his hands, and various sex toys on you – you should try out everything. One of the wives I talked to regularly allowed her husband go down on her during the initial chastity period. She quickly learned how to climax from oral stimulation and now even prefers it to normal intercourse, possibly due to her husband’s improved oral skills or because she has become more relaxed now that sex is primarily about her pleasure.

If your husband initially backs down from his wish to be put in chastity when faced with such a long lock-up, gently remind him that you will only do it on your terms. “Don’t think of it as three months of being chaste, think of it as three months of foreplay.” When the this period comes to an end, you can give him an experience like he has never had before. This is a reward for the couple. When you finally do let him orgasm it will be almost too much for his body to handle.

Click here to see how people experienced their 3-month lock-up period...

“Many people haven’t read the Secret to a Happy Marriage carefully. The ‘Initial Lockup’ recommended is after the break-in period which involves getting the right fit and used to wearing the cage 24x7 for a time without chafing, etc. The author is NOT suggesting going for 90+ days right away... that’s not practical.

Our 90-day lockup went fine. My wife teased me frequently without removing the cage and no PIV sex. The important point was to take my little guy out of the equation and give him no direct stimulation.

The biggest benefits of the initial lockup were:
1. She learned she didn’t need to feel guilty for keeping me denied. She teased me repeatedly until I was totally desperate and then held me until I calmed down or allowed me to pleasure her.

2. We were physically intimate constantly without the pressure of my orgasm. I learned how she enjoyed being touched the most and began to focus on those things instead of my own release. Her teasing of me often was the foreplay for her orgasms. She found her own rhythm and frequency for orgasms apart from mine.

3. The temptation to masturbate diminished significantly but not entirely. I think this is what they call re-wiring your brain. I still occasionally want to play with myself. But I quickly start to think about how much more pleasurable her magic touch is than my own, and the focus of my desire returns to her. Zero erections apart from her touch are now my goal for life.

4. This was a big step in learning what a healthy release schedule is for me. (...) She enjoys not having to deal with my semen very often. She doesn’t like the sticky mess. Once every couple of weeks is probably too often for her. We talked and she decided a month should be my shortest lock-up.

Believe me, the journey is worth it! My wife and I are enjoying our marriage like never before. Seriously. Even a hint that we might go backwards in our relationship sends us into a panic and makes us stop, investigate, and fix whatever is broken. We are never going back!”
– shortened quote from littleguy3↗


“3 months is indeed possible, once you have the right fit and gotten used to the device. Once you can wear it 3 weeks without problems, I think 3 months is not only possible, but strongly encouraged. I think it’s very important for the two of you to know long lockups are possible, even if she ends up preferring shorter ones. The fact both of you now know you can go for that long just makes it much more fun.”
– shortened quote from lockedforfun↗


“Before we got out of bed early this morning, my beautiful wife reached over and began teasing her caged cock! After several minutes, as I became very aroused, she firmly held onto her caged cock and told me how proud she was that I was caged and completely erection/ejaculation free for 20 days! Then she said “and to think you only have several months to go!” God, she is so hot!”
– quote from lmel1↗


“It is scary, but the idea is this: Until you will have been denied for 3 months, you can’t really get over the idea that you have some level of control. Those 3 months are to break the idea that you NEED to orgasm, that you NEED releases. Until you get through it, you’re not, in your mind, under her control. And then... she needs to get over her guilt. She needs to feel comfortable denying you for months. She has to learn to get that control and not feel guilty about it.

I tried for over a DECADE to get my wife to deny me. A decade where I was in chastity almost 24/7 but she didn’t GET it. It’s only when I had my first 3 months locked without release that something clicked in her mind. She had been sexually fulfilled during those 3 months and enjoyed seeing me happy to be denied.”
– shortened quote from cb6000↗


“I was against the long initial lock-up because I really like sex and didn’t want to go without my husband’s dick for so long. So that’s why he came up with the idea of making it a bet. If I unlock him at any point before the three months are over I have to pay him €1,000 and if I keep him locked for the whole three months he has to pay me €1,000. I’m definitely going to win this bet, and I’m thinking of extending it a bit even! So far I learned how to climax from oral sex, and we bought a large strap-on dildo that goes over the cage so we can still have penetrative sex (it feels very natural and the movements are the same). We’re more intimate than before and our relationship has become more romantic outside the bedroom as well. He’s like a teenager who’s in love for the first time. In hindsight I don’t know why I was so scared of a long initial lock-up period. It’s been such an epiphany.”
– shortened email from yerim

Finding a release schedule that works for you

After the break-in periods it is entirely up to you how many ejaculations you allow. There are a few different views on the ideal frequency, but no matter which system you choose, it is usually best to ask yourself if it wouldn’t be better to go longer.

artwork by MARE (https://www.pixiv.net/en/users/37955631)

Orgasm ratio:

Some women like to think about how often their husband can have an orgasm as a small fraction of the number of orgasms they had. A hundred to one ratio is popular, but you can pick the number to suit your needs and gets the time between releases just about right.

Scheduled releases:

Some of the younger women with boyfriends or husbands in their early twenties let them have an orgasm about once a week. I suspect that they were masturbating a couple times a day before this so that once a week is a big reduction. The most common opinion is that there should be no more than one ejaculation per month. I personally have found that a good baseline is to not allow double digit releases, meaning less than ten per year. You may find that you allow him to be released monthly and then decide that you would enjoy making him go for a longer period. You will need to experiment and ultimately you will need to do what works best for you, recognizing that the less often for him the better.

By the way: a popular recent trend for chastity couples is to keep him strictly locked – no exceptions for teasing or sex – during Locktober and No Nut November followed by Denial December. That’s something you could try too, especially if you skipped the recommended initial three-month lock-up period or want to have a good excuse to repeat it.

Setting a goal:

Some women like to set goals for their husbands where they would be allowed an orgasm earlier than scheduled if a big goal was met. One of the women I talked with wanted her husband to lose weight. She told him that their relationship was so much better with him locked in his chastity device that he would now get out only once a year for a release, but she would let him out early for each five pounds that he lost and that for each five pounds he gained he would get three months added on to his lockup. She was thrilled with the results. He got fifty pounds off during the year and got ten extra orgasms. Maybe your husband could become fitter, thinner or more muscular with the right motivation, too?

Arbitrary releases:

You may or may not have discussed rules, arrangements, and schedules with your husband. Forget those except for the rules that you want. You, the keyholder, can make up new rules. It is completely your decision when he can ejaculate. There will be that moment where the question comes up, “how long until I can come”. The answer is “you wanted chastity, so that’s it”. No schedule, no conditions.

Even if you use one of the more predictable patterns where he can “earn” his release, never let your man develop the belief that he has the “right” to be released. You always remain in charge and can spontaneously decide to cancel or delay his release. “Maybe tomorrow.” Even when you unlock him it’s not too late to “change your mind”; you can play with his cock for as long as you want or until he reaches the edge of orgasm – and then stop and put the cage back on. Kindly tell him that “that’s all for now” and you want to “save it for later.”

You are not cheating by doing this. Instead, you are re-establishing the ground rules, the most important of which is that you are in control. You don’t owe him anything, and you don’t have to explain yourself. If he complains, remind him that he was the one who wanted chastity and tell him that now he will have to wait even longer. You can quite happily keep on promising a release, and finding reasons not to. As long as you keep the communication flowing and the anticipation high he will love you all the more for it.


artwork by MARE (https://www.pixiv.net/en/users/37955631)

You’re amazing! You have finished five of the seven core chapters! The next one is going to be sexy...

Next chapter: How to allow release 💦