Initially, you need to find a comfortable, safe, and hygienic chastity device which your husband can wear for extended periods. Maybe your husband has already bought a device before he approached you, maybe you still need to buy one together. In any case, you should make sure the device is fit for long-term wear and that the size is correct. First, start a routine every day for six hours. Not once in a while, not one day a week, but every single day, even if he does not feel like it. There are two goals here. The first is to keep the presence of the chastity device from arousing the man. The other is to find the right size, which will be much smaller than the one you initially think is too tight. Next, let him go to work with it, every day for a week, with no breaks and excuses. Again, the goal is to constantly reduce awareness of the chastity device. During this time, you may well need to use a smaller tube or ring. Then, let him sleep in it. You may find that he needs a few nights to get used due to nocturnal erections. Once this hurdle is taken, he can go a whole week without unlocking. If the cage is not giving him any trouble, the break in period is finished and you can finally get started with the real lock-up.
After you go through the break in period of getting a device that fits, it is great fun to sign a “chastity contract” with your husband, like the one you saw earlier. The general consensus is to then start with a long initial lock-up period which should be at least three months of continuous wear without relief. During this period, the chastity cage must not come off, not even for sex. It may seem a bit harsh, but it is paramount to your success as it allows his body and mind to adjust to the lack of masturbation as desired.
The length of the initial lock-up period should be decided by you and you alone. For a young, horny man who is used to daily masturbation, three months might be a bit too much, but likewise you may want to consider six months or more if your husband is older or does not have a high sex drive. In any case he should be made aware of the time frame in advance; you can tell him something like: “Don’t think of it as three months of being chaste, think of it as three months of foreplay.”
Most men will hold out for shorter periods of denial and bounce back to their old ways of masturbation and fantasizing about other women once you let them orgasm and they expect future orgasms on a regular basis, whereas a long initial lock-up tells him that you are committed to your relationship and that once he hands you the keys there is no turning back. You will have put a permanent end to his days of masturbating behind your back. Rather than pleasuring himself when he wants, he will become dedicated to pleasuring you when you want it and how you want it. If your husband initially backs down from his wish to be put in chastity when faced with such a long lock-up, he is not yet willing to surrender the control to you. Don’t push him, just gently remind him whenever he brings up the topic of chastity that you will only do it on your terms. When he agrees, he is ready.
You will need to be strong and keep up your end of the bargain. You could even, unbeknownst to him, keep the key somewhere else, such as your place of work or a friend’s house, so that you are not tempted to unlock him. Enforcing the initial lock-up period will allow him to understand your desire, commitment, and determination; it will also give you the chance to develop the strength to say “no”.
If he is at all uncooperative during this time, you should add additional time to his lock-up. I ended up giving my husband a one-month extension when I got fed up with him telling me he “needed” to come. You cannot be too strict with respect to the initial lock-up period if you want to achieve the triple goals of becoming comfortable with being in charge, getting yourself past feeling that it is your duty to get him off, and getting him focused on his new role of sexually pleasing you. If you haven’t achieved these goals, then lengthen the time. In retrospect, I am glad that I added that extra month of time. When I finally let him out it was on my terms.
You too also need enough time to explore how to make his chastity work best for you. I was counting the days until I could have intercourse with my husband again, so I started to experiment and think about how to teach him to pleasure me without needing to unlock him or worrying about him accidentally ejaculating. When you can do this, it will have changed the dynamic of your relationship in a way that sets you and him on the path to long term happiness. He can use his mouth, his hands, and various sex toys on you – I would encourage you to try out everything. One of the wives I talked to made her husband go down on her almost every day during the initial chastity period when they could not have normal intercourse. After a short time she learned to easily climax from oral stimulation and now has more orgasms than ever before, possibly due to her husband’s improved oral skills or because she has become more relaxed now that sex is primarily about her pleasure.
Upon completing his initial confinement period, I assure you that you can give him an experience like he has never had before, this is a reward for the couple. When you finally do let him orgasm it will be almost too much for his body to handle.
Once you allow him his first release it is entirely up to you how many sexual experiences you allow, how they occur and who is cleaning up the ejaculate. But how often should he be allowed to come after the initial denial period? There are a few different views. No matter which system you choose, it is usually best to ask yourself if it wouldn’t be better to go longer.
Some of the younger women with boyfriends or husbands in their early twenties let them have an orgasm about once a week. I suspect that they were masturbating a couple times a day before this so that once a week is a big reduction. The most common opinion is that there should be no more than one ejaculation per month. I personally have found that a good baseline is to not allow double digit releases, meaning less than ten per year. You may find that you allow him to be released monthly and then decide that you would enjoy making him go for a longer period. You will need to experiment and ultimately you will need to do what works best for you, recognizing that the less often for him the better.
Some women like to think about how often their husband can have an orgasm as a small fraction of the number of orgasms they had. A hundred to one ratio is popular, but you can pick the number to suit your needs and gets the time between releases just about right.
Some women like to set goals for their husbands where they would be allowed an orgasm earlier than scheduled if a big goal was met. One of the women I talked with wanted her husband to lose weight. She told him that their relationship was so much better with him locked in his chastity device that he would now get out only once a year for a release, but she would let him out early for each five pounds that he lost and that for each five pounds he gained he would get three months added on to his lockup. She was thrilled with the results. He got fifty pounds off during the year and got ten extra orgasms. Maybe your husband could become fitter, thinner or more muscular with the right motivation, too?
You may or may not have discussed rules, arrangements, and schedules with your husband. Forget those except for the rules that you want. You, the keyholder, can make up new rules. It is completely your decision when he can ejaculate. There will be that moment where the question comes up, “how long until I can come”. The answer is “you get chastity, that’s it”. No schedule, no conditions. Even if, for some reason, you have “promised” him an orgasm, you always remain in charge and can still spontaneously decide to delay his release.
Even if you use one of the more predictable patterns where he can “earn” his release, never let your man develop the belief that he has the right to be released. The first few times he earns his right to get out of chastity, accept it, but at some point, tell him you’ve changed your mind: this time he won’t be released. “Maybe tomorrow.” You are not cheating by doing this. Instead, you are re-establishing the ground rules, the most important of which is that you are in control. No matter how much he thinks he deserves an orgasm, you always have the right to deny him one if you want, for whatever reason and without having to explain yourself. If he objects, tell him that he will have to wait even longer. Such a response is likely to silence any further argument.