Using Chastity in your Relationship 👩🏻❤️👨🏼
After reading about chastity and speaking with other couples, I have identified five different “intensities” for how chastity can be incorporated into a relationship. There is no right or wrong, and more radical chastity is not necessarily better for the couple.
- Type 1: Occasional play. The man is locked only for a few days at a time and teased by his wife as a kind of long multi-day foreplay. He is unlocked for the remainder of the time, during which he will most probably masturbate. This approach might spice up your sex life but most likely your husband is craving more.
- Type 2: Masturbation denial. The man is locked 24/7 and therefore unable to continue his habit of masturbation. He is unlocked for sex and is usually allowed to come. He can have frequent orgasms but will not have any without his wife anymore.
- Type 3: Orgasm control. Similar to the above, but he is not or not always allowed to come during sex. The wife has intercourse purely for her own pleasure and decides when and how he is allowed to come. Orgasms for him are much less frequent. This is what my relationship looks like.
- Type 4: PIV denial. Similar to the above, but there is little or no penis-in-vagina sex anymore. The wife will still be sexually satisfied by other means, such as oral sex or a vibrator, and most likely she will have more orgasms than before. He is occasionally unlocked and teased or allowed to come.
- Type 5: Always locked. Similar to the above, but he is not unlocked anymore (except for emergencies). Please note that orgasms are still possible without penile stimulation (e.g. through pegging ↗). For some couples this is their long-term arrangement, essentially “permanent” male chastity. Even among “nice” women it has become very popular to not unlock him during the much-loved period comprising Locktober, No Nut November, and Denial December – maybe something you could try, too?
Beyond a “normal” relationship, there are other situations in which chastity can be useful:
- Long-distance relationships. Here, chastity is not about orgasm denial or putting her sexual satisfaction first. Instead, chastity is used as a tool to help keep the romance alive when you cannot see each other. I spoke to a Chinese student who went to the UK for her Master’s degree while her boyfriend remained in China. He proposed to be locked before she left. Now she can be sure that he is not cheating on her, that he is not masturbating and fantasizing about other women, and that he is always thinking of her every time he sees his caged penis.
- Female-led relationships. In such a relationship, he is fully devoted to his wife, from taking care of household chores to buying her whatever she wants. Male chastity can be an important tool to emphasize his devotion.
- Reviving a dead bedroom. Sometimes, male chastity is not about her sexual needs, but about giving him the sexual attention he craves. In many relationships, the woman has a lower sex drive than the man, especially after giving birth or after menopause. The men become increasingly fed up with being ignored or rejected in the bedroom and having to secretly masturbate instead. Even if you are not interested in sex or getting off yourself, you can bring back intimacy by using a chastity device. You can decide when to let him come, but in this situation I would advise you to allow it at least once a week. In a “normal” chastity relationship, he may be fine coming only once a month or so, but in return he would get teased by you and be allowed to satisfy you frequently. If this doesn’t happen because of your low libido, you must not “lock and forget” him. You can simply tell him to masturbate in front of you once or twice a week. Rather than masturbating alone while watching porn, he is now sharing this very intimate moment with you. It is very exciting for him, but it is also zero effort for you, in fact you don’t even have to get undressed.
It does not matter what your relationship dynamic looks like, what exactly your husband’s desires are, or how kinky you are (even if not at all); there may be a place for male chastity in your relationship. Every woman needs to figure out herself what approach makes her the happiest.