It does not matter what your relationship dynamic looks like or what exactly you and your husband’s desires are; there may be a place for male chastity in your relationship. Every woman needs to figure out herself what approach makes her the happiest. After speaking with many other couples, I have identified five different “intensities” for how chastity can be incorporated into a relationship.
Intensity 1: Occasional play. The man is locked only for a few days at a time and teased by his wife as a kind of long multi-day foreplay. He is unlocked at other times and will most probably masturbate. This approach might spice up your sex life but most likely your husband is craving more.
Intensity 2: Masturbation denial. The man is locked 24/7 and therefore unable to continue his habit of masturbation. He is unlocked for sex and is usually allowed to come. He can have frequent orgasms but will not have any without his wife anymore. (Unfortunately, for some men this means they increase their nagging for sex, in which case you should either allow him more releases or escalate to the next intensity: denying him orgasms.)
Intensity 3: Orgasm control. Similar to the above, but he is not or not always allowed to come during sex. The wife has intercourse purely for her own pleasure and decides when and how he is allowed to come. Orgasms for him are much less frequent. (This is the most common variant of chastity play and the one I’ll be focusing on in the next two chapters.)
Intensity 4: PIV denial. Similar to the above, but there is little or no penis-in-vagina sex anymore, because the wife prefers to be sexually satisfied by other means, such as cunnilingus or sex toys, and therefore doesn’t need his penis to be satisfied. He is occasionally unlocked for teasing or release, whenever the wife feels like it.
Intensity 5: Always locked. Similar to the above, but he is never unlocked anymore. If he’s still allowed to come it has to be while caged, for example through pegging or using a vibrator. This is the long-term lifestyle for some couples, and the ultimate fantasy for many men.
There is no right or wrong answer and you need to find out what works best for you as a couple. Ask your husband upfront which of the above intensities he is interested in, then compare that with what you’d find acceptable.
There are other relationship dynamics in which male chastity itself is not the main focus but still useful in other ways:
Female-led relationships In such a relationship, he is fully devoted to his wife and treats her like a princess, from taking care of household chores and pampering her to buying her whatever she wants. Male chastity can be an important tool to emphasize his love and devotion.
Semi-open relationships In such a relationship, the woman is free to have sexual experiences with others. Male chastity can be used to enhance the thrill of consensual non-monogamy – “your cock is locked but my pussy is free”. The basic idea is that his penis is useless for you when you can get your pleasure elsewhere. A lot of male chastity content online revolves around this idea, and while there’s nothing wrong with it as long as both partners enjoy it, it also scares off many newcomers who mistakenly think that male chastity will inevitably lead to this dynamic.
Kinky couples exploring a power exchange “Femdom” (female domination) is a consensual dynamic where the woman takes a dominant role in the bedroom. This can include many kinks, such as requiring him to be naked while she stays clothed, calling his penis small and useless, training him to ejaculate as quickly as possible, pegging him with a strap-on, sitting on his face for cunnilingus or anilingus, or slapping and kicking his balls. It is always done in a consensual and playful manner. Male chastity goes well with most of these kinks as it can make the man feel more submissive. If your husband is into chastity there is a good chance that some of these things turn him on as well – it’s best to ask him. However, just because your husband wants you to take control of his penis does not mean he is otherwise interested in “femdom”, and you too might prefer him to be dominant in bed (when unlocked).
Long-distance relationships Here, chastity can be used as a tool to help keep the romance alive when you cannot see each other. No matter how far apart you are, his chastity device gives you the comforting certainty that he is always faithful to you and doesn’t masturbate. Every time he sees his caged penis he will be thinking of you and longing to see you again.
Parents with young children Opportunities for intimacy are rare and unpredictable if the children don’t sleep through the night or end up sleeping in the parents’ bed, which can harm a relationship. How can chastity help? On those sporadic child-free evenings, don’t do chores or watch TV, but turn your phones off and go straight to bed and be intimate with your husband. Kiss, cuddle, let him massage you, or masturbate next to him under the sheets. The only rule is: he is not allowed to orgasm! You will be more relaxed knowing that you won’t have to have “duty sex” just because the children are sleeping, and he will be more relaxed knowing that a child refusing to go to sleep is not “cockblocking” him. Instead, you let him know upfront how often you want him to have a release. Weekly or fortnightly, perhaps? On scheduled release days, you can simply lend him the key so he can “release the tension” in the bathroom.
Mismatched libidos and reviving dead bedroomsMany couples have mismatched libidos, which (without male chastity) can lead to an unhealthy dynamic where the husband regularly masturbates and feels ashamed about it or regularly pesters his wife for sex. Sometimes, she gives in and agrees to unenthusiastic “pity sex”, knowing that otherwise he will just masturbate without her. However, with the man locked in chastity, the wife is finally free to say “no” when she is not in the mood, without any guilt or a concern about what he might do if rejected. This is also good for the man as he knows that a “yes” means his wife is actually willing and enthusiastic.
However, sometimes the woman has got a very low or nonexistent sex drive, which, while not her fault, can lead to a “dead bedroom” as she is never in the mood for anything sexual. The man becomes increasingly fed up with the lack of sexual attention from his wife, and if he is in chastity he will feel “locked and forgotten”. The aim of chastity here should be to bring back some shared moments of intimacy by allowing him regular orgasms but making sure that all of them happen in your presence. Set out a fixed schedule such as once or twice a week (not too seldom). On these days, you’ll unlock him and decide what happens; for example you can let him masturbate to your body, you can give him a quick handjob, or you can just tease him and lock him back up without orgasm.
You’re amazing! You have finished five of the seven core chapters!
