When to Allow Release 🔓

This is a medium-length chapter.

The physical break-in period (required)

Initially, you need to find a comfortable, safe, and hygienic chastity device which your husband can wear for extended periods. Maybe your husband has already bought a device before he approached you, maybe you still need to buy one together. In any case, you should make sure the device is fit for long-term wear and that the size is correct. First, start a routine every day for six hours. Not once in a while, not one day a week, but every single day, even if he does not feel like it. There are two goals here. The first is to keep the presence of the chastity device from arousing him. The other is to find the right size, which will be much smaller than the one you initially think is too short. Next, let him go to work with it, every day for a week, with no breaks and excuses. Again, the goal is to constantly reduce awareness of the chastity device. During this time, you may well need to use a smaller tube or ring. Then, let him sleep in it. You may find that he needs a few nights to get used due to nocturnal erections. Once this hurdle is taken, he can go a whole week without unlocking. If the cage is not giving him any trouble, add another week or two. If everything’s still good, the physical break-in period is finished and you can get started with the real lock-up.

Controlling his orgasms or not?

As mentioned in the previous chapter, being your husband’s keyholder does not mean you have to deny him orgasms. If you just want him to stop masturbating but still allow him to orgasm every time you have sex, that’s absolutely fine. However, if your husband has shown an interest in orgasm control (ask him!) or if you’re curious then please do read on.

Finding a release schedule that works for you

It is entirely up to you how many ejaculations you allow. Of course you can still have sex with him whenever you like, the only question is when you allow him to come. There are a few different views on the ideal frequency, but no matter which system you choose, it is usually best to ask yourself if it wouldn’t be better to make him wait longer (as long as he’s still a willing participant, of course).

Orgasm ratio:

Some women like to think about how often their husband can have an orgasm as a fraction of the number of orgasms they had. That can be as strict as a hundred-to-one ratio or as harmless as a one-to-one ratio (meaning he doesn’t come more often than you). You can pick the number to suit your needs and gets the time between releases just about right.

Scheduled releases:

The most common opinion I have encountered is that there should be no more than one ejaculation per month, or to only allow double digit releases, meaning less than ten per year; you may find that you allow him to be released monthly and then decide that you would enjoy making him go for a longer period. On the other hand, many women – especially the younger ones with boyfriends or husbands in their twenties – let them have an orgasm about once a week. I suspect that they were masturbating a couple times a day before this so that once a week is a big reduction. You will need to experiment and ultimately you will need to do what schedule works best for you.

By the way: a popular recent trend for chastity couples is to keep him strictly locked – with absolutely no orgasms – during Locktober and No Nut November followed by Denial December. (Of course you can also insist on Dry January, No-Fapruary, Merciless March, Abstinence April, May-not-come, Sexless Summer and Softember, so basically you always have a good reason to keep him denied 😈)

Setting a goal:

Some women like to set goals for their husbands where they would be allowed an orgasm earlier than scheduled if a big goal was met. One of the women I talked with wanted her husband to lose weight. She told him that their relationship was so much better with him locked in his chastity device that he would now get out only once a year for a release, but she would let him out early for each five pounds that he lost and that for each five pounds he gained he would get three months added on to his lockup. She was thrilled with the results. He got fifty pounds off during the year and got ten extra orgasms. Maybe your husband could become fitter, thinner or more muscular with the right motivation, too?

Countdown:

One woman had the very creative idea of giving her partner a fixed budget of orgasms, just enough for about ten orgasms per year for the rest of his life expectancy. He can ask for an orgasm any time and of course he can get more than ten a year, but if he uses his budget up too quickly, he could end up locked permanently in his 40s or 50s – unless she changes her mind of course.

Arbitrary releases:

You may or may not have discussed rules, arrangements, and schedules with your husband. Forget those except for the rules that you want. You, the keyholder, can make up new rules. It is completely your decision when he can ejaculate. There will be that moment where the question comes up, “how long until I can come”. The answer is “you wanted chastity, so that’s it”. No schedule, no conditions.

Even if you use one of the more predictable patterns where he can “earn” his release, never let your man develop the belief that he has the “right” to be released. You always remain in charge and can spontaneously decide to cancel or delay his release. “Maybe tomorrow.” Even when you unlock him it’s not too late to “change your mind”; you can play with his cock for as long as you want or until he reaches the edge of orgasm – and then stop and put the cage back on. Kindly tell him that “that’s all for now” and you want to “save it for later.”

You are not cheating by doing this. Instead, you are re-establishing the ground rules, the most important of which is that you are in control. You don’t owe him anything, and you don’t have to explain yourself. If he complains, remind him that he was the one who wanted chastity and tell him that now he will have to wait even longer. You can quite happily keep on promising a release, and finding reasons not to. As long as you keep the communication flowing and the anticipation high he will love you all the more for it.

The (optional) mental break-in period

The general consensus is that you can enhance your journey with a long lock-up period during which the chastity cage must never come off, not even for sex. I call this the mental break-in period. It can be done once or repeatedly.

If you want this to be a great experience for both of you, there are a few prerequisites:

1. He must have found a well-fitting device that he can confidently wear for long periods without discomfort or pain – or smegma.
2. You as the keyholder should have a healthy libido and enjoy being intimate with your husband. Otherwise there is a risk that you will “lock and forget” him.
3. Don’t do it if one of you still has doubts about the whole chastity thing or if you like chastity but not the idea of orgasm control. You should have a few weeks of keyholding experience before committing to this.

Assuming these conditions are met, the mental break-in period can be paramount to your success as it allows his mind to adjust to the lack of masturbation and ejaculation. Rather than pleasuring himself whenever he wants, he will focus his sexual energy on you. Most men will hold out for short periods of denial and bounce back to their old ways of masturbation, whereas a long lock-up period tells him that you are committed to your relationship and intend to put a permanent end to his days of jerking off behind your back. It might seem a bit harsh, but I believe the mental break-in period should be at least three months of continuous wear without relief.

You will need to be strong and keep up your end of the bargain. It will change the dynamic of your relationship in a way that sets you and him on the path to long-term happiness. You could even, unbeknownst to him, keep the key somewhere else, such as your place of work or a friend’s house, so that you are not tempted to unlock him. Enforcing such a long lock-up period at the beginning of your chastity journey will allow him to understand your desire, commitment, and determination; it will also give you the chance to develop the strength to say “no”. You cannot be too strict as a new keyholder if you want to get yourself past feeling that it is your duty to get him off and if you want to get him focused on his new role of sexually pleasing you. If you haven’t achieved these goals, then lengthen the time. I ended up giving my husband a one-month extension, and in retrospect I am glad that I did, because when I finally let him out it was on my terms.

You too also need enough time to explore how to make his chastity work best for you. At the beginning I really missed having intercourse with my husband, so I started to experiment and think about how to teach him to pleasure me without needing to unlock him or worrying about him accidentally ejaculating. He can use his mouth, his hands, and various sex toys on you – you should try out everything. One of the wives I talked to regularly allowed her husband go down on her. She quickly learned how to climax from oral stimulation and now even prefers it to normal intercourse, possibly due to her husband’s improved oral skills or because she has become more relaxed now that sex is primarily about her pleasure.

If your husband, despite his wish to be put in chastity, initially is scared when faced with such a long lock-up, but not completely opposed to the idea, gently remind him that you prefer to do chastity on your terms. “Don’t think of it as three months of being chaste, think of it as three months of foreplay.” Remind him that when the this period comes to an end, you can give him an experience like he has never had before. This will be a reward for the couple. When you finally do let him orgasm it will be almost too much for his body to handle.

Almost done! You have finished six of the seven core chapters! The next one is going to be sexy...

Next chapter: How to allow release 💦