The lockup isn’t meant as a means of punishment, it is meant as a way of working together to direct his sexual energy toward you. Communication is essential in any relationship but especially so when you are locking up an essential part of your partner’s anatomy. However, at least at the beginning, the only time your husband should bring up his chastity or the cage is when there is some sort of medical emergency or when you ask him how he is doing down there. Otherwise, you will find that he wants to talk about it all the time. In general, I would recommend you don’t allow him to ask you for a release – just say “it will be when I decide so and if you ask again I will add more time”.
Once you lock him, his penis is yours, it is your toy. Your husband doesn’t own it anymore. It exists for your pleasure and amusement. You can take it out and use it and then safely put it back in its cage whenever you want. When you think of it this way, it will be much easier for you to incorporate chastity into your life. You’re not locking anything of his up – you keep your toy safe. The chastity device’s purpose is to protect it from unauthorized access.
For a man, there is a huge difference between a relationship where he simply does not have as much sex as he would like, and a relationship where male orgasms are limited but erotic heat is abundant. A man who experiences the first type of relationship is likely to become surly and resentful. He may seek relief in pornography and masturbation, or, in extreme cases, he may be tempted into a ruinous affair. For a man in the latter type of relationship these other activities will be strictly out of his control – and he won’t be interested in pursuing them anyway, because the erotic stimulation he needs is right there at home with his chosen partner.
It is understandable that there may be days when you want to ignore his situation. Still, you should not let this go more than a few days without making positive comments about him being locked up, and verbally or physically teasing him. If you are going to lock him up you need to make a commitment to him and yourself to make this work. I have told women who were thinking about chastity that if they were not willing to take control of the teasing, and the frequency with which they had sex and the effort this entails that they might be better off in their old relationship where he ignored you and you ignored him.
You can have sex how and when you want – please don’t ever think his chastity restricts you sexually. There may be times where you would like to unlock him to use his penis. Please note that intercourse does not need to include an orgasm for him. Once you are satisfied you can tell him to stop, wait until his penis gets flaccid, and lock him up again without any unwanted ejaculation. It is very important to be strict about locking his penis up again when you don’t need to use it anymore.
Don’t be afraid to ask for oral sex. Take the initiative! A common course of events for a chastity couple is that they go for longer and longer periods without bothering to unlock him, which means longer periods without penetrative sex; instead, she gets more oral sex. As a result he becomes better at giving oral, meaning she gets even more orgasms. Far from being denied access to his wife’s body, he enjoys the constant arousal and increased intimacy.
A wife can often feel guilt or concern that her man is giving her so much pleasure and apparently getting none in return, and she will release him out of guilt, but in reality this is undoing the good that chastity brings. Your husband wants you to be “mean”. In his fantasy he probably imagined ridiculously long lock-up times, during which he would still be made to sexually satisfy you daily. In fact, if you are too “nice” he could be disappointed.
From time to time you might find it necessary to “punish” him for whatever reason. The most effective “punishment” is to increase his time of confinement. As an example, let’s say he ejaculated without permission during sex. When this happens let him know that as a “punishment” he will have to go down on you to clean the result of his illicit release and that additional time will be added to the lock-up time that is already required. If he gives you any argument, add even more time.
A very important step during any release period is to ensure that you will get him right back in to his device, especially if you didn’t let him come. Even if you let your husband have an orgasm, you should re-lock him as soon as possible and no later than the next morning. He wants you to take the initiative and tell him to put the cage back on. He does not want to be tempted to masturbate behind your back. Even though in most cases it was the husband who proposed chastity, he wants to believe that it’s you who wants him to be locked and that he doesn’t have a choice.
Most chastity devices consist of two pieces: a base ring that sits behind the penis and balls, and a tube that ensheathes the penis. It is a good idea to leave the base ring in place and only remove the penis tube when you unlock him. This way, intercourse and other stimulation are still possible, but by leaving the base ring on, you already set the expectation that he is to be re-locked afterwards. The less you have to worry about him resisting to be locked again, the more likely you are to take it off frequently.
Don’t leave the key in a place he knows of or where he could easily find it. This will only tempt him to secretly unlock and masturbate when you’re not around, and it will seem as though you don’t take your role as his keyholder seriously. As the guardian of your man’s chastity, you may prefer to always keep the key with you, perhaps wearing it on a necklace. This way, you can ensure that the key will always be under your physical control, so your husband has no chance to borrow it for quiet relief.
Some women seem to think that just because their husband was the one proposing chastity, he wants to submit to her and obey her commands in all facets of life. Unless your husband said so, it is very unlikely he now wants to start doing all the housework or spend all his money on you. Yes, chastity may motivate him to do such, but you should never try and manipulate him to do things he doesn’t want to do. Using sex as a weapon is neither healthy nor constructive, and this is true for household chores as well as everything else. Locking your man up and blackmailing him to clean the bathroom may damage your relationship with him, not strengthen it. For all matters outside the bedroom you remain equals. Chastity is a tool to increase the love and emotional bond in a relationship, not a tool to make him your slave.
Male chastity is about getting to know each other, sharing a wonderful connection and growing together as a unit. A properly communicated male chastity relationship will help you grow together and direct his sexual energy toward improving the relationship. At first it may seem like work to you, but as you learn to appreciate your erotic power over him, you will become closer and more intimate. No matter what you do or how you do it, enjoy each other, respect each other and treat each other well.
Although chastity needs some basic rules (see next page), the last thing you want to do is keep track of a list of complicated rules and becoming a slave to it yourself. Your goal is to control when and how your husband ejaculates, and nothing more.
Maybe you have tried chastity for a few days, but you didn’t see any benefits. Maybe you have been very busy at work or with the kids and can’t give him too much attention. Life can get in the way. There are many possibilities why you may not see a point in continuing chastity. Unless your husband has lost his interest as well, I would suggest you don’t give up too quickly. Try out chastity play for at least six months before you decide you really don’t like it.