The Secret to a Happy Marriage 💕
This is a medium-length chapter.
Simply put, the man uses a so-called chastity device to lock his penis, and then he gives the key to his partner, the so-called keyholder. Chastity devices are sex toys made of plastic or metal that lock around the penis, making it impossible for him to masturbate. The keyholder (you) has the power to decide when to unlock the device and when to allow him sexual pleasure. That can be five times a week or five times a year. It’s a very exciting kind of sexual game.
Over the years I have talked online to many women who keep their husbands chaste. The one thing they all agreed on was that the benefits were incredible. It may amaze you, as it did me, to find out that millions of couples use male chastity as part of their relationship, really more than you could imagine. Male chastity is less bizarre than you probably thought and there is a lot of it being practiced, maybe even by some of your girlfriends. Are you willing to put in an effort to make your relationship work in a new and exciting way? If yes, read on.
It goes without saying that everything must be consensual.
With most couples who decide to experiment with male chastity, the idea didn’t originate with the woman, though perhaps it should. Many men have a sexual fantasy of wearing a chastity device and being sexually controlled by their the partner. Has he admitted to you that he masturbates too much? If so, he might be fuelled by guilt about his frequent masturbation and how it may affect your relationship. Unfortunately, most men don’t have the courage to admit their desire for chastity, and as you read this, your husband is anxiously hoping that you will want to give it a try.
It doesn’t mean he finds you unattractive. It does not mean your relationship is boring or that your husband is bored. Has he ever bought you a sexy gift, such as lingerie? You know this does not mean he’s bored of you – quite the opposite! It means he wanted to get you something that you can both enjoy together. His search for sexy ideas is another expression of his dedication and love for you – not boredom. He wants to do more fun stuff with you!
In most relationships, the woman has a lower sex drive than the man, resulting in him having less sex than he would like. In this sense, women don’t need a chastity device to control the allocation of sex. However, without an explicit structure and communication around this control, the libido mismatch is interpreted by the man as neglect or the feeling of not being desired. This can drive him to excessive masturbation or constant nagging for sex. Once you begin using a chastity device to control his orgasms, your husband’s perception will move from being “neglected” to “controlled”. By becoming his keyholder, you are telling him that his sex drive is far too valuable to be wasted on masturbating. He will enjoy a pleasurable state of constant mild arousal, leading to a happier state of mind for him and an improved sexual dynamic for both of you.
But he gains more than that. Feeling the chastity device on his penis will give your husband a strong feeling of warmth and security. He will feel secure that you have taken true, physical ownership of his sexuality. That’s what underlies all the fantasies. It’s like his wedding ring – his ring tells the world that he is not available. The chastity device reminds him that the only source of sexual pleasure comes from you. Chastity play is the warm certainty that you love him and choose to give him the pleasure he can’t give himself or get from others. He will love the emotional boost the two of you share.
If you are in a relationship, you should be the sole source of his release and all of his sexual energy should be directed at you. It should not be wasted on him touching himself or watching porn. All men, given the ability, masturbate and way more often than most women think they do. This is something that is difficult for him to control and even more difficult to part with. Masturbating usually translates into the husband ignoring his wife for a couple days. Some men even get so used to masturbation that they struggle to climax during normal sex with their partner. Male masturbation creates an emotional barrier in relationships and allows a man to remain somewhat disconnected in a very selfish and self-serving way. As long as men have access to masturbation, they never truly have both feet invested in a relationship.
Chastity puts a stop to the masturbation. It boosts his mood, energy, and libido, and most importantly it changes his desire to please you. This is because as he continues to build up his sexual energy that he no longer has the ability to release as he pleases, he will divert that energy towards pleasing you. His non-stop offers of massages and oral sex are a very welcome side effect of the redirection of his sexual energy.
Do you recall how your man behaved, back when he was courting you? Wasn’t he more attentive, more romantic, more concerned with pleasing you? Have you ever wondered where that attentiveness came from, or asked yourself where it went? It came from his natural sexual tension, and it most likely left through the “safety valve” of masturbation. Energy and time he previously spent masturbating will now be redirected to you, work, the children, or other priorities. After a short time, you and he will both appreciate a much healthier, emotionally positive, and sexually rewarding relationship.
By keeping control of his sexual release, you ensure that you are of sexual value and significance to him. The chastity device will keep him from taking matters into his own hands, and it will also subconsciously teach him that sexual satisfaction comes only from you. When he can only have sexual release with you, his instincts tell him that you are the most valuable woman in his world.
Finally, some women feel reassured by the chastity device because they’ll never have to worry about another woman hitting on him.
No, feel free to unlock him anytime you want, be it for sex, teasing, or any other reason. This is about controlling his orgasm, not yours. The worst thing you can do is to be sexually inactive while he’s locked. Rather, you can and should have frequent orgasms – and he will love giving them to you, so you can selfishly enjoy it without feeling bad.
Sex with a locked man is great! His member is always ready, and you don’t have to worry about a semi-hard penis because he masturbated earlier that day. You will get pleasure how and when you want it and you will do so knowing that he’s having all of his sexual experiences with you. Always end sex when you are satisfied, even if he is not finished. Once you’re done, lock him back up until next time. This is what he expects and desires – don’t feel bad for one second. The benefits are enormous if you allow sex to be about the woman’s pleasure.
Keeping you sexually satisfied is your husband’s job. His inability to experience the pleasure of an orgasm only means that you will experience many more than ever before. You may think that this works only to your advantage, but it is the key to happiness for both of you. Every time he satisfies you, he will be happy because he has made you happy. He will learn that his primary means of sexual gratification will be through yours. Every time you experience an orgasm he will have a sense of sexual satisfaction. Eventually your husband will get pleasure purely from your pleasure without even thinking about his cock. The other day my husband asked if he could lick me and I told him (half in jest) he could if he’d remain locked for an extra week – and he happily agreed!
Most men masturbate at least once a day. If he doesn’t admit it, he’s most likely lying. It is much easier and faster for a man to masturbate than for a woman – he may simply jerk off in the shower or after you’ve fallen asleep. He’s had this habit since he was a teenager and it’s impossible for him to stop his masturbation addition without your help and the use of a chastity device.
For you, chastity just means locking him and holding his key. It doesn’t have to become a time suck and your life doesn’t need to revolve around your husband’s desire for chastity. Some teasing and sexual attention is required to keep your husband’s arousal peaking, but there are plenty of simple ways to do that which don’t require a lot of time. My husband would rather go three months without orgasm than three days without attention. Never let a day go by without reminding him that you’re happy he’s locked for you and that you love being in charge of his erections and orgasms.
In order to improve your marriage, chastity has to become real and not just a game. Chastity has to be a 24/7 part of your relationship and being locked and unable to masturbate should be his default state. Your husband most probably has a desire to be locked 24/7 and not just for occasional play. Only unlock him when you want to play with him. Never let things revert to his old lack of self-control again. Male chastity is effective and over the long term you’ll not regret it even though at the beginning it may seem like a lot of work. As the endeavour into chastity continues and you discover its amazing rewards you will be able to add your own ideas.
Your husband may have bombarded you with rules and suggestions what you should do as a keyholder, but it’s important to remember that you and not him will be the one making the decisions once he is locked. There are no fixed rules how often you should unlock him or let him ejaculate, and chastity does not need to change your everyday life, certainly not outside of the bedroom.
Although you remain in control sexually it is very important to remember that you and he are still a couple in a relationship, he is still your husband and your dynamic only changes once you close the bedroom door. Life goes on as it always has; employment, financial, family issues and decisions are all still there. Your sexual dominance should not interfere in other areas, though you will find he will react differently, often positively, as his feelings and emotions change.
We are all very busy, especially those of you who have small children at home. Consider for a moment that he may have approached you with the idea of chastity because you are both so busy. The bond of lock and key is little different than the bond of the wedding rings you wear on your fingers. This is an object that you both share with each other. When he is at work or traveling, he is constantly reminded of you and the quiet reassurance you bring to the relationship. The average man gets twelve erections a day, and that’s only when he’s awake. While he is locked up, each of these erections is stopped and his thoughts shift to you. With each thought shift, he may send you an attentive text message, do a kind deed around the house, or simply think longingly of you. Consider the possibility that male chastity might make him more concerned with your needs, the household, and the children. Consider that the end result of locking him up could be more quality time for both of you.
There’s not a single sex shop that doesn’t sell male chastity devices. This website gets a seven-figure amount of visitors each year despite just relying on word of mouth. On Reddit, the Chastity subreddit is among top 2% of Reddit communities in terms of size and activity. According to the Canadian newspaper Journal de Québec, 4% of men in Quebec are caged with the key given to their partner [1]. In 2020, a chastity device using a smartphone-operated lock was hacked, revealing the geographic location of then men who were wearing the device. This data showed male chastity to be a worldwide phenomenon, especially popular in North America, Europe, and East Asia [2]. Based on the relative popularity of this specific device, it can be estimated that 2.5% of men own a chastity device [3]. This is corroborated by Amazon sales figures from 2023 indicating that 2.3% of men own a chastity device [4]. For comparison, 2.5% is the percentage of adults identifying as LGBT in the UK. How many gay men do you know? You probably know the same number of chastity cage owners, and the number of men interested in chastity has got to be much higher.
Give it a try and go with the flow. You don’t have anything to lose, it may add a new level of intimacy to your relationship, and you will have a lot of fun doing it. I promise. Show your love to your husband, have many intimate moments with him, tease him, be playful and enjoy each other. The only thing you need to do is control is his ejaculations. Getting comfortable with male chastity can be challenging at first but it won’t be long until it becomes a normal everyday component of your relationship. Having talked to many women, the most common regret was that they didn’t start male chastity much earlier!
Those wives who successfully changed their mindset from a need to give him orgasms to deserving all the orgasms they could ever want all end up being much happier, and none of them would want their husbands to go back to their old ways of daily masturbation. What started as his fantasy of being sexually controlled by her ends up becoming her fantasy, too.
Well done! You have finished the first (and longest) of the seven core chapters!