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My name is Ella, I am in my thirties and I work for an insurance company. My husband is a senior engineer, and we have two beautiful daughters. Even though we have been married for over a decade, we still love each other like we did when we were dating. There is a good reason for this, and on this website I’d like to share my secret to a happy marriage with you.
If you are not married, please mentally replace “husband” with “boyfriend” when reading this website, it all applies just the same.
I am assuming your partner has told you that he wants to try something called “male chastity”. He may have sent you the link to this website or you found it through a search engine. Your first reaction probably was surprise. Why does he want chastity? Is he normal? What does he want me to do? I am quite sure your husband chose the wrong way to explain chastity, making it sound crazier than it actually is. He may have even gone ahead and bought a chastity device and asked you to lock him in it and be his “keyholder”.
Please relax, don’t panic. After reading the articles on this website you will understand why chastity could be a great idea for the two of you. You may find that male chastity brings a new closeness and renewed desire to you as a couple.
Before you continue reading, make sure you are not distracted by anything for the next hour or so. Relax, take your time, sit down with a nice drink, and try to be as open-minded as you can.
Simply put, the man uses a so-called chastity device to lock his penis, and then he gives the key to his partner, the so-called keyholder. Chastity devices are sex toys made of plastic or metal that lock around the penis, making it impossible for him to masturbate. The keyholder (you) has the power to decide when to unlock the device and when to allow him sexual pleasure. That can be five times a week or five times a year. It’s a very exciting kind of sexual game.
Over the years I have talked online to many women who keep their husbands chaste. The one thing they all agreed on was that the benefits of chastity for their husbands were incredible. It may amaze you, as it did me, to find out that millions of couples use male chastity as part of their relationship, really more than you could imagine. Male chastity is less bizarre than you probably thought and there is a lot of it being practiced, maybe even by some of your girlfriends.
Ask yourself: Are you unhappy with how much attention he now pays to you? Do you think that at least part of the problem is that he is paying too much attention to pornography or other women? Has he admitted to you that he masturbates too much? Would you like to receive a lot more sexual attention? Are you willing to put in an effort to make your relationship work in a new and exciting way? If yes, you should consider chastity for your husband.
It goes without saying that this must be consensual.
With most couples who decide to experiment with male chastity, the idea didn’t originate with the woman, though perhaps it should. The motivation why a man would want to wear a chastity device and have his partner control him sexually is straightforward: It is simply his sexual fantasy. Him sharing this fantasy with you means that he trusts you. Mostly likely he is also fuelled by guilt about his frequent masturbation and how it may affect your relationship. It probably took him a lot of courage to bring up his desire for chastity, and as you read this, he is anxious and wondering whether you will want to give it a try.
It doesn’t mean he finds you unattractive. It does not mean your relationship is boring or that your husband is bored. Has he ever bought you a sexy gift, such as lingerie? You know this does not mean he’s bored of you – quite the opposite! It means he wanted to get you something that you can both enjoy together. His search for sexy ideas is another expression of his dedication and love for you – not boredom. He wants to do more fun stuff with you!
He is giving up something that is a very important part of a male’s life, his freedom to masturbate. So what does he gain? Chastity needs mutual rewards and often you will find those things that you reward him with will lead to an increase in his arousal. You know the things that he likes, that arouse him and put a smile on his face. It could be dressing in a way that turns him on. It could be trying sexual things that he likes but you never desired to try. All of this will heighten his happiness and arousal. He will adore you and he will be eager to please you because you are the sole source of his release. He will love the emotional boost the two of you share.
Feeling the chastity device on his penis will give your husband a strong feeling of warmth and, let’s face it, security. He will feel secure that you have taken true, physical ownership of his sexuality. That’s what underlies all the fantasies. It’s like his wedding ring – his ring tells the world that he is not available. The chastity device reminds him that the only source of sexual pleasure comes from his beloved wife. Chastity play is the warm certainty that you love him and choose to give him the pleasure he can’t give himself or get from others.
If you are in a relationship, all of his sexual energy should be directed at you. It should not be wasted on him touching himself or thinking about other women. All men, given the ability, masturbate and way more often than most women think they do. This is something that is difficult for him to control and even more difficult to part with. Masturbating usually translates into the husband ignoring his wife for a couple days. Male masturbation creates an emotional barrier in relationships and allows a man to remain somewhat disconnected in a very selfish and self-serving way. As long as men have access to masturbation, they never truly have both feet invested in a relationship. Chastity puts a stop to the masturbation and works in many ways; it boosts his mood, energy, and libido. Most importantly it changes his desire to please you. This is because as he continues to build up his sexual energy that he no longer has the ability to release as he pleases, he will divert that energy towards pleasing you. He will adore and love you as he did when you first met, and he will be eager to satisfy you in every way possible. His non-stop offers of massages and oral sex are a very welcome side effect of the redirection of his sexual energy.
Do you recall how your man behaved, back when he was courting you? Wasn’t he more attentive, more romantic, more concerned with pleasing you? Did he ever forget to call you, back then? Have you ever wondered where that attentiveness came from, or asked yourself where it went? It came from his natural sexual tension, and it most likely left through the “safety valve” of masturbation. Energy and time he previously spent masturbating will now be redirected to you, work, childcare, or other priorities. After a short time, you and he will both appreciate a much healthier, emotionally positive, and sexually rewarding relationship.
By keeping control of his sexual release, you ensure that you are of sexual value and significance to him. The chastity device will keep him from taking matters into his own hands, and it will also subconsciously teach him that sexual satisfaction comes directly from you. When he can only have sexual release with you, his instincts tell him that you are the most valuable woman in his world. While he may see other women he finds attractive, he will be immediately corrected when his penis tries to become erect.
You must always remember that sexually you are always in command and that first and foremost you will always be sexually satisfied. This is the cornerstone to happiness for both you and him. Keeping you sexually satisfied is your husband’s job. His inability to experience the pleasure of an orgasm only means that you will experience many more than ever before. You may think that this works only to your advantage but it is just as advantageous for him. Every time he satisfies you, he will be happy because he has made you happy. He will learn that his primary means of sexual gratification will be through yours. Eventually every time you experience an orgasm he will have a sense of sexual satisfaction. The bliss point is when you get your husband to the place he gets pleasure purely from your pleasure without thinking about his cock.
Finally, you’ll never have to worry about him cheating on you. Face it – most men, no matter how much they love their wives, might be tempted at some point. Male chastity makes it physically impossible for him to act on these urges. This also makes chastity perfect if you’re in a long-distance relationship or one of you is travelling a lot for work.
Most men, at least those in their teens, twenties or thirties, masturbate at least once a day. Maybe he doesn’t admit it, or he only admits that he masturbates occasionally, but I guarantee you that he’s lying. It is much easier and faster for a man to masturbate than for a woman. He may simply masturbate in the shower as a daily routine. He may even masturbate in the toilet at work. This is a habit that has been going on since he was a teenager and hence it’s impossible for him to break his masturbation habit without your help and the use of a chastity device.
For you, chastity just means locking him and holding his key. It doesn’t have to become a time suck and your life doesn’t need to revolve around your husband’s desire for chastity. You don’t have to be an expert at sexual teasing or spend loads of time learning how to become one. Some teasing and sexual attention is required to keep your husband’s arousal peaking, but there are plenty of simple ways to do that which don’t require a lot of time. Never let a day go by without reminding him that you’re happy he’s locked for you and that you love controlling his erections and orgasms.
Your husband may have bombarded you with rules and suggestions what you should do as a keyholder, but it’s important to remember that you and not him will be the one making the decisions once he is locked. There are no fixed rules how often you should unlock him or let him ejaculate, and chastity does not need to change your everyday life, certainly not outside of the bedroom. I would suggest you give it a try and then just go with the flow.
I read a lot and communicated with many others and the strong consensus was that in order to improve your marriage chastity has to become real and not just a game. Your husband should not have the opportunity to control his sexual release by masturbating without your permission. Chastity has to be a 24/7 part of your relationship and being locked should be his default state. He should always be locked unless there is a specific reason why you want to unlock him, and his dick and his orgasms should always be under your control. I guarantee you that your husband too has a desire to be locked 24/7 and not just for occasional play.
As the endeavour into chastity continues you will be able to add ideas and musings to your relationship that you find works well. Remembering the basic principles of how to keep your husband under your spell will let you, and him, discover chastity’s amazing rewards. Always maintain the upper hand sexually and never let things revert to his old lack of self-control again. Male chastity is effective and over the long term you’ll not regret it even though at the beginning it may seem like a lot of work.
Although you remain in control sexually it is very important to remember that you and he are still a couple in a relationship, he is still your husband and your dynamic only changes once you close the bedroom door. Life goes on as it always has, employment, financial, family issues and decisions are all still there. Your sexual dominance should not interfere in other areas, though you will find he will react differently, often positively, as his feelings and emotions change.
We are all very busy, especially those of you who have small children at home. Consider for a moment that he may have approached you with the idea of chastity because you are both so busy. The bond of lock and key is little different than the bond of the wedding rings you wear on your fingers. This is an object that you both share with each other. When he is at work or traveling, he is constantly reminded of you and the quiet reassurance you bring to the relationship. The average man gets twelve erections a day, and that’s only when he’s awake. While he is locked up, each of these erections is stopped. His cage gets tight and his thoughts shift to you. With each thought shift, he may send you an attentive text message, do a kind deed around the house, or even something as simple as thinking longingly of you. Consider the possibility that male chastity might make him more concerned with your needs, the household, and the children. Consider that the end result of locking him up could be more quality time for both of you.
No. Feel free to unlock him anytime you want, be it for sex, teasing, or any other reason. Sex with a locked man is great! His member is always ready, and you don’t have to worry about a semi-hard penis because he masturbated earlier that day. You will get pleasure how and when you want it and you will do so knowing that he is not having any sexual experiences without you anymore. However, you should limit him to having orgasms on your terms. End sex when you are satisfied, even if he is not finished. The benefits are enormous if you allow sex to be about the woman’s pleasure.
It seems to be rather common. Male chastity devices are the best-selling type of sex toys, after dildos and vibrators. According to the Canadian newspaper Journal de Québec, one in twenty-five men in Quebec are caged with the key given to their wife, as well as one in fourty in Germany and Sweden and one in sixty in the UK (though I wonder how they estimated this). In 2020, a chastity device using a smartphone-operated lock was hacked, revealing the geographic location of a five-digit number of men who were using the device. This data showed male chastity to be a worldwide phenomenon, especially popular in North America, Europe, and East Asia. Based on the relative popularity of this specific device, it can be estimated that in total around sixty-five million chastity devices are in use.
Give it a try and go with the flow. You don’t have anything to lose, it may add a new level of intimacy to your relationship, and you will have a lot of fun doing it. I promise. Show your love to your husband, have many intimate moments with him, tease him, be playful and enjoy each other. The only thing you need to do is control is his ejaculations. Getting comfortable with male chastity can be challenging at first but it won’t be long until it becomes a normal everyday component of your relationship. Having talked to many women, the most common regret was that they didn’t start male chastity much earlier!
There is a saying among those wives who adopted a chastity lifestyle because their husbands encouraged them: be careful what you wish for. I think some of the husbands would given a choice go back to their old ways of daily masturbation, but none of the wives would. The men wanted to be sexually controlled by their wives and now they are. However, their new reality is often much different than their original fantasy because it is now her fantasy, not his. I know the wives, who stuck it out through the trials and tribulations of finding a chastity device that worked and figuring out how change their mindset from a need to give him orgasms to one of deserving all the orgasms they could ever want, are all much happier.