The Secret to a Happy Marriage 💕
This is a medium-length chapter.
Male chastity is meant as a way of working together to direct his sexual energy toward you. Communication is essential in any relationship but especially so when you are controlling an essential part of your partner’s body. However, at least at the beginning, the only time your husband should bring up his chastity or the cage is when you ask him how he is doing down there. Otherwise, you will find that he wants to talk about it all the time. In general, I would recommend you don’t allow him to ask you for a release – just say “it will be when I decide so and if you ask again I will add more time”.
Once you lock him, his penis is yours, it is your toy. Your husband doesn’t own it anymore. No more masturbating, no more random erections. His cock will be yours, and only you decide when it gets touched. It exists for your pleasure and amusement. You can take it out and use it and then safely put it back in its cage whenever you want. When you think of it this way, it will be much easier for you to incorporate chastity into your life. You’re not locking anything of his up – you keep your toy safe. The chastity device’s purpose is to protect it from unauthorized access.
I cannot stress enough how important it is to do something sexual every day, no matter how small. For a man, there is a huge difference between a relationship where he feels that he does not get enough sexual attention and instead seeks relief in masturbation, and a relationship where male orgasms are limited but erotic heat is abundant.
It is understandable that there may be days when you want to ignore his situation. Still, you should not let this go more than a few days without making positive comments about him being locked up, and verbally or physically teasing him. You need to make a commitment to him and yourself to make this work. If you’re not willing to take control of the teasing and the effort this entails then you might be better off in your old relationship where he ignored you and you ignored him. Even if you’re really not in the mood, it’s better to “actively” deny him rather than just ignore him. Just one tiny comment like “I know you want to jerk off but I won’t let you” can make him happy.
A man who desires chastity wants to please you sexually and doesn’t want you to worry about reciprocation. You can have sex how and when you want – his chastity should never restrict you sexually. You can masturbate whenever you want, or he can use his mouth or hands to satisfy you. If you would like to unlock him to use his penis, remember that intercourse doesn’t need to include an orgasm for him. Once you are satisfied, you can tell him to stop, wait until his penis gets flaccid, and lock him up again. It is very important to be strict about locking his penis up again when you don’t need to use it anymore.
Don’t be afraid to ask for oral sex. Take the initiative! A common course of events for a chastity couple is that they go for longer and longer periods without bothering to unlock him, which means longer periods without penetrative sex; instead, she gets more oral sex. As a result he becomes better at giving oral, meaning she gets even more orgasms. Far from being denied access to his wife’s body, he enjoys the constant arousal and increased intimacy.
A wife can often feel guilt or concern that her man is giving her so much pleasure and apparently getting none in return, and she will release him out of guilt, but in reality this is undoing the good that chastity brings. If your husband is like mine he will have fantasized about being locked up for ridiculously long times. If so, your husband wants you to be strong and say “no”. The chastity journey can only succeed if you commit to it and embrace your control.
There will be times when he wishes he could just unlock and jerk off like he used to. You’ll need to reiterate that you have the key and only you will decide when it gets used. For him, the chastity he craves will only become “real” once he’s desperate for a release but you still won’t allow it. Then he’ll understand that you really have taken control of his penis, like in his fantasy, and that you’re not just playing along. In a way, chastity only really begins when he wants out. Denying his requests of release when you don’t think he needs one is part of your role as a keyholder. A response like “not this week” or “I haven’t decided yet” could be just what he wants to hear. Feel free to add a compelling reason such as “because I want you to wait a bit longer” or “you should focus on my pleasure instead”. Let him feel that you’re enjoying his arousal and sexual frustration and that you’re glad he can’t masturbate.
A very important step during any release period is to ensure that you will get him right back in to his device, especially if you didn’t let him ejaculate. He wants you to take the initiative and tell him to put the cage back on. He does not want to remain unlocked or feel like you’re not actually interested in being his keyholder. Although chastity was his fantasy and he enjoys being locked, it’s only fulfilling for him when it feels “forced” and he believes that it’s your desire to have his penis under and key, too.
Especially when you let your husband have an orgasm, you should re-lock him as soon as possible, ideally right after he finishes: “There’s your squirt, time to get you back in the cage.” If your husband is hesitant to put the device back on again after an orgasm (as often his desire for chastity fades away immediately afterwards), you need to be strong and tell him that you want him locked at once or you will delay the next release day you had in mind.
Most chastity devices consist of two pieces: a base ring that sits behind the penis and balls, and a tube that ensheathes the penis. It is a good idea to leave the base ring in place and only remove the penis tube when you unlock him. This way, intercourse and other stimulation are still possible, but by leaving the base ring on, you already set the expectation that he is to be re-locked afterwards. The less you have to worry about him resisting to be locked again, the more likely you are to take it off frequently.
Don’t leave the key in a place he knows of or where he could easily find it. This will only tempt him to secretly unlock and masturbate when you’re not around, and it will seem as though you don’t take your role as his keyholder seriously. As the guardian of your man’s chastity, you may prefer to always keep the key with you, perhaps wearing it on a necklace. Alternatively, you could keep the key on an anklet, tied to your bra, or in your phone case. This way, you can ensure that the key will always be under your physical control, so your husband has no chance to borrow it for quiet relief. The presence of the key is also a great reminder for you to tease him frequently.
Perhaps he refused to put the chastity device on again after you’re done playing with his penis, or perhaps he tried to pull out his penis in order to masturbate. Not only is this a form of cheating and a breach of trust, it also means there’s no point being his keyholder if he still tries to remain in control of his penis. If this happens, you could punish him with a long lock-up period without release – something much longer than he’s comfortable with and that will make him think twice next time he’s tempted to rebel. Alternatively, you could take some of his sexual privileges away; it has to be something that he’ll miss more than you (for example no more blowjobs until further notice). Whatever you decide to do, it should deter him from defying you and the chastity device again. If these transgressions keep happening, you need to threaten the ultimate punishment: stopping chastity altogether. Make it very clear to him that he will lose your services as a keyholder, that you have no interest in a “pretend” chastity where he doesn’t actually transfer the control to you.
Some women seem to think that just because their husband was the one proposing chastity, he wants to submit to her and obey her commands in all facets of life. Unless your husband said so, it is very unlikely he now wants to start doing all the housework or spend all his money on you. Yes, chastity may motivate him to do such, but you should never try and manipulate him to do things he doesn’t want to do. Using sex as a weapon is neither healthy nor constructive, and this is true for household chores as well as everything else. Locking your man up and blackmailing him to clean the bathroom may damage your relationship with him, not strengthen it. For all matters outside the bedroom you remain equals. Chastity is a tool to increase the love and emotional bond in a relationship, not a tool to make him your slave.
Male chastity is about getting to know each other, sharing a wonderful connection and growing together as a unit. A properly communicated male chastity relationship will help you grow together and direct his sexual energy toward improving the relationship. At first it may seem like work to you, but as you learn to appreciate your erotic power over him, you will become closer and more intimate. No matter what you do or how you do it, enjoy each other, respect each other and treat each other well.
Although chastity needs some basic structure (see next page), the last thing you want to do is keep track of a list of complicated rules and becoming a slave to it yourself. Your goal is to control when and how your husband ejaculates, and nothing more.
Maybe you tried chastity for a few days, but you didn’t see any benefits. Maybe you’ve been very busy at work or with the kids and can’t give him too much attention. Life can get in the way. There are many possibilities why you may not see a point in continuing chastity. Unless your husband has lost his interest as well, I would suggest you don’t give up too quickly. Try out chastity play for at least six months before you decide you really don’t like it. You’ll learn what does and doesn’t work for the two of you, and with time it’ll be much easier to figure out what to do and your journey will become more exciting and fun. So keep trying, stay open to new ideas and don't forget to keep communicating with your husband!
Good job! You have finished two of the seven core chapters!